News
The Disturbing Art of Grooming
Monday, January 29th, 2018
If you look up the term “grooming” on a dictionary website, you’ll find a definition that sounds like this: “to get into readiness for a specific objective.”
As it applies to those who prey on children and youth, you’ll find that word to be particularly disturbing.
What exactly does grooming mean when it comes to the process of preying on the vulnerable? If you are working with children or youth, it’s important that you recognize its multiple layers:
- Grooming is gradual. It generally occurs over a long period of time: weeks, months, or even years.
- Grooming is calculated. In the early stages, the predator may befriend the child, pretending to be interested in similar topics or activities. In later stages, the person tests boundaries through inappropriate behavior such as jokes, backrubs, or tickling.
- Grooming is smart. Predators recognize and learn tactics to fill a child or youth’s need for affection and attention.
- Grooming escalates. After an initial period, the behavior of the predator goes to a new level. Examples include encouraging the child or youth to break rules and participate in risky behavior such as drugs and alcohol or viewing pornography; exchanging risqué photos; and moving from non-sexual touching to “accidental” sexual touching.
- Grooming uses fear. In the process of grooming, the abuser may use a child’s fear, embarrassment, or guilt about what has happened to continue the abuse and/or make sure it remains a secret. The abuser may threaten the child with potential harm to family members or friends as a tactic to instill that fear.
For the predator, the objective is abuse. Grooming—no matter how long it takes—is the vehicle to achieve that abuse.
As predators prefer to work behind the scenes, it’s important to call them out and stop them in their tracks. Staff and volunteers need to be equipped to recognize and help prevent abuse in their organization.
News
What Would You Do?
Tuesday, July 25th, 2017
Imagine this scenario: You are a volunteer working with young children. One day, a mother drops off her special-needs child. Your supervisor and one of your colleagues attend to the child during class time. Later in your volunteer shift, you have a chance to interact with the child and he starts making loud noises. You freeze. Did you do the wrong thing? You’ve never worked with a special-needs child and you feel intimidated. You don’t want to do or say the wrong thing. Should you ask one of the other volunteers to work with the child in your place?
Maybe—this time. You may be tempted to let a more experienced volunteer deal with a special-needs child, but keep in mind that people with special needs are an accepted and welcome part of school, church, and community activities. It’s important that you aren’t intimidated by the situation; instead, take time to learn more about the young person and his or her special condition or needs. Speak with your supervisor about the situation, and ask for help when you are unsure. Get to know the child’s parents. Soon, you will be surprised about how comfortable you are around the child. Be patient—both with yourself and the person. You will most surely share in the rewards of this process!
News
Stop Bullying in Its Tracks
Monday, October 24th, 2016
Kind behavior and bullying behavior have one thing in common: they both have lasting effects. A kind word or smile can make a young person feel good for the rest of the day. Name-calling and other bullying behaviors will not only make a child feel bad in the moment—it can have effects that range from sadness and anger to suicidal behavior.
As adults who work with children and youth, you are in a position to recognize these behaviors and stop them. In many cases, you are the first line of defense for a child who is being bullied on a daily or weekly basis. Here’s what you can do:
Be a good role model. Kids are more aware than we think. They see our behavior and pretty soon we see them modeling that behavior right back. Are you gossiping with co-workers, saying mean things to peers, or in general just being an adult bully? If so, you are modeling exactly the type of behavior that you want children and youth to stay away from. Take time out to check your own behavior.
Take action. Bullying isn’t just “kids being kids.” Although there are some advantages to letting kids work their problems out, keep in mind that bullying isn’t a simple argument or kids “solving their problems.” Bullying is not always easy to distinguish, but keep in mind the definition: repeated (or with the potential to be repeated), aggressive behavior among young people that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. When you see bullying, stop it. Learn more tips here.
Know the definitions. According to stompoutbullying.org, hostility and aggression directed toward a victim who is physically or emotionally weaker than the bully are the more obvious signs of bullying. Often, you can physically see the victim in pain and distress. Bullying can be:
- Physical: hitting, kicking, hair pulling, making threats, etc.
- Verbal: spreading rumors, mean and persistent teasing, name-calling, etc.
- Emotional: excluding from activities, gossiping, gaslighting (making someone doubt their own memory, perception, or judgment)
- Sexual: abusive comments or unwanted physical contact
- Cyber: bullying via technology such as emails, texts, instant messaging, social media, etc.
Teach kindness, compassion, and respect. Anyone can be the victim of a bully. The most popular kid in your group can become a target for one reason or another. But there are certain people that draw more bullying than others. For example, according to stompoutbullying.org, 9 out of 10 lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) students reported being harassed and bullied in the last year. That is 90%! Remind children and youth that all people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter how they are “different.”
Though we are nearing the end of October, which is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, keep these tips in mind all year long.
News
What Would You Do?
Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
Imagine this scenario: You are a volunteer at a camp and you are instructed to be there at 8 a.m. to be ready for the kids coming at 8:30 a.m. Your co-volunteer called to say she’s running late. Soon after, a mom pulls up to drop off her son early. You know from your training that you aren’t supposed to be there alone with a child. What do you do?
Your instincts are correct; you should not put yourself in a position to be alone with that child. Even though it might be an inconvenience to the parent, ask the parent to stay until another child or adult shows up to camp. Another idea is to “borrow” someone from the camp administration or one of the other camp areas to stay with you for the few minutes you have to be alone with the child. As in all situations, think ahead to do what you can to protect children—and yourself.
News
Say Yes to Pokemon GO
Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
Pokemon GO: It’s a gaming phenomenon like no other and currently, the most popular phone app in U.S. history. Many people are quick to dismiss the game, whether because of long-held ideas about Pokemon (a successful video game franchise from the 90s), or resistance to social media, technology, or kids using cell phones. But let’s face it, Pokemon GO and other apps and games like it are here to stay.
If you’ve avoided the hype, here is Pokemon GO in a nutshell: The app uses augmented reality, which means that through GPS data, sound and video, the Pokemon characters show up in real life—as seen through your phone. You are a character in the game, on a quest to collect all the Pokemons. You do this by collecting Poke Balls at PokeStops, then capturing the characters by virtually throwing the balls at them. Then there are Poke Gyms, where you can train or battle against others. Virtually, of course.
Why should churches, schools, and organizations that work with children and youth care about Pokemon GO? There are a few reasons: First, there are safety concerns that you may have seen in the headlines. More kids are outside, wandering around neighborhoods, staring at their cell phones. Some are on bikes, distracted and wandering into traffic. Let’s not forget about the guys who fell off a cliff while playing the game—adults, mind you.
On the positive side, churches (many are PokeStops or Poke Gyms) are using the game to attract young people. Some churches are scheduling events based around the game, where congregants and non-church members are welcome to attend, and many are publicizing that they are a Poke Gym on church signage. Some churches are offering drinks and snacks for players as a way to increase fellowship. Schools are using the game as a tool for learning to increase social skills and engage challenged learners. And more kids are getting off the couch this summer.
So go ahead, say “Yes” to Pokemon GO. But also share these Pokemon NOs with the children and youth in your church, school, or organization:
- No trespassing onto private property.
- Beware of suspicious people lurking around or trying to engage with young users.
- Do not wander into unfamiliar neighborhoods.
- Do not disrespect the surroundings, such as when in a church, hospital, library, or museum.
- For older youth, do not using the game while driving.
- Do not play the game while crossing streets or in busy traffic areas. If on a bike, they should pay attention to where they are going.
News
4 Tips for Effective Leadership
Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
Some people are born leaders, and others work their entire lives to get there—but everyone can use some reminders about what it takes to be a good leader. Here are some tips for effective leadership:
1. Be a good listener. Open your ears to those around you. A good leader listens to ideas, feedback, and constructive criticism. Have an “open door” policy for suggestions. Although you can’t promise that every suggestion will be approved, make it known that you will consider all feedback. Being a good listener will make people feel valued, and will help empower others to want to improve.
2. Pay attention to the people around you. “No man is an island.” In other words, you can’t do your job effectively without people around you to help. In some cases, your co-workers are the reason you got where you are. Some thanks, recognition, and encouragement can go a long way to showing the people around you that you appreciate their contributions. In a school, church, or organization, each link in the chain helps strengthen the team.
3. Practice what you preach. To be an effective leader, you have to do what you say you are going to do. You will lose credibility if you don’t follow through on your commitments. If you can’t keep a promised goal, be open through communication to explain whatever challenges may have prevented you from doing so.
4. Encourage other leaders. There’s room “at the top.” Whether you are leading two people or 200, there is always room to help people develop into their best selves. Help your people grow and flourish. Encourage leadership qualities in everyone in your organization, from the custodial staff to the volunteers to the part-time receptionist.
News
Protecting Children and Youth This Summer
Monday, July 11th, 2016
In the easy days of summer, a child’s imagination runs wild: invisible water and sharks outside their pirate ship, or monsters lurking in the big woods. But outside of their imagination, the reality is that the dangers are often those that children never see coming.
Statistics show that 90% of children and youth know their abusers. This means that as a church, school, or organization, you must work to do everything you can to protect the vulnerable from abuse.
Safe Gatherings helps ensure your staff and volunteers are trained and vetted. Our system offers:
- A quick and easy online application
- Electronic reference checks
- Four levels of background checks
- Online abuse prevention training
- Approval tracking and data management
Make your summer days easier by knowing you have a plan in place for abuse prevention. You’ll be making theirs easier, too.
News
9 Ways to Keep Kids Safe at VBS
Tuesday, June 21st, 2016
Summer is a really fun time of year in churches, especially when they are buzzing with the excitement of Vacation Bible School. Churches come alive when children and youth are engaged in activities designed especially for them.
But with this energy and excitement also comes some added preparation. With so many children and youth running around your church facility—many of whom may be visitors or guests of members—as well as an increased number of volunteers, church staff and VBS leaders need to pay especially close attention to security and safety.
Here are some things to think about to help keep the children and youth safe during the exciting week of VBS:
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1. Everyone should have ID, including participants. It can be nametags, t-shirts, lanyards, or buttons, but everyone should be identifiable with their role in the week’s activities.
2. All volunteers should be screened and trained before serving in activities involving children and youth. This includes abuse prevention training in accordance with your church’s policies.
3. Two-deep leadership: Two adults with a child or youth at all times. This applies during regular Sunday activities and in all activities throughout the summer. If you do not have this policy at your church, start it now.
4. Get permission to use photography of children. Some churches make special VBS CDs or post pictures on the church website or during church services on the big screen. Make sure you have permission to use photography, and do not identify children on social media (even with permission).
5. Register every child or youth. No young person should be in the building participating in activities without having filled out a registration form with emergency contact information. This should include information about allergies and/or other medical needs.
6. Make sure all volunteers are prepared. Let them know of fire safety policies and extreme weather policies in case of emergency.
7. Check your first aid kits to make sure they are fully stocked and accessible to all volunteers and classrooms.
8. Communicate with parents about your security and safety policies. Send information home or have information on your website about the measures you’ve taken to keep children and youth secure. Your parents will appreciate this peace of mind!
9. Signage should be abundant. Make sure everyone knows where to go and how to get there. For the first couple of days (or the whole week if you can spare some volunteers), keep people posted at doors to direct anyone who is unsure. The fewer people wandering the halls, the more secure you will feel.